Behind Jaded Eyes
by justagirl8225
Summary: When Kaoru departs for Kyoto, a person she least expects, makes an unwelcomed appearance. This single event changes both of their lives as they know it. (AxK)


**Behind Jaded Eyes**

Spoilers: Beginning of the Kyoto arc and beyond. Anime episode 32/Volume 8 of the manga  
Disclaimer: Need I really say it? Some dialogue is from the wonderful RK manga translations.  
Summary: It's pretty much a re-write of the Kyoto arc. Not a complete re-write, just my own embellishments.  
Notes: I feel the need to put this here now so I won't have to answer to it later. I am using some alternate pairings, some canon because I want to. That said, if you don't like alt. pairings, I won't force you to read the story..just don't whine at me for it.  
Keys: ''/italics around throughts, bold and/or bold italics for emphasis.

* * *

Prologue: The Departure 

_I couldn't follow him. I don't know why. But when he said one word, "farewell," it was like I was chained from head to foot. I still am.._

A meloncholy sigh escaped Kaimya Karou on a whisper; the dark haired Kendo instructor brushing her bangs from her face. The fireflies had long left the edge of the road, but Karou still hadn't found the strength within her to move. She knew the others would worry, and in fact; Yahiko had found her..her forehead resting on her knees. The tears had ceased, but inside Kaoru still felt broken. She couldn't remember what she had said, but somehow..Yahiko knew enough to let her be. Which was where she was now, the time nearing dawn. Kenshin hadn't been gone for more than 24 hours and already..she found herself lost. She frowned at that thought..she wasn't supposed to be _**weak**_. Kenshin wouldn't like it if she was weak. A smile tugged at the corners of her mouth in spite of it all, troubled eyes fluttering shut. She could still see him walking away, but in the back of her mind..she heard him. Not telling her goodbye, but speaking words of much needed encouragement.

'Kaoru dono'.._Always Kaoru dono.._

'You must be strong, that you must.'_How?_

"You have people who need you Kaoru dono. Yahiko, Sanosuke, Miss Megumi, Ayame, Suzume, Tae, Tsubame..' _But you have people who need you..._

'Which is why I must go Kaoru dono..I am needed, that I am.' _You're needed here.._

'Kaoru dono, you know why I must go.'

And she did know why, but that didn't mean she had to like the fact that he was leaving. Quite frankly, she wished that Kenshin would stay..or that perhaps, somehow they would change their minds when the red-haired wanderer arrived in Kyoto. That of course, was wishful thinking on her part, and Kaoru also knew it was rather selfish of her to think that way. She didn't quite understand the complexity of the tormented past that Kenshin burdened..but then, he had never really explained much of it to her. But, thinking about it wouldn't bring him back now. He was well on his way to Kyoto. She finally removed her person from the ground, brushing off the dirt that had collected on her kimono. Kaoru knew she needed to be strong..but she didn't know how.

**xxx**

Kaoru slipped back into the dojo, some part of her still expecting to see Kenshin. But the reality was, Kenshin wasn't there..and that Kenshin probably wouldn't be returning soon. The thought of it all, was nearly too much to bear on the wounded heart that beat within. She kept her footsteps as silent as possible, making her way to her bedroom to change from her kimono to a nemaki. She laid her body down on the futon, pale cheek resting..her eyes finally closing. Yahiko had tried to get her out of bed, but Kaoru wouldn't move. Sanosuke also tried..but again..Kaoru wouldn't move. It wasn't that she really needed the rest. What she really needed right now was to see Kenshin. But Kenshin wasn't there, and so Kaoru remained in her state of solitude. By early afternoon she roused her body..her feet taking her aimlessly to the dojo. Her mind and her heart felt numb..and though she had thought all of the tears had been shed; she found herself in tears once more. The blue eyed Kendo instructor was aware that someone was approaching her, but she didn't care enough at that moment to see who it was. Tae crouched beside Kaoru. She and Tsubame had made the trip to the dojo under the advisement of Sanosuke. Sanosuke had explained to the two that after Kenshin's departure last night, Kaoru hadn't returned to the dojo. After a moment of alarm from the two, Sanosuke assured them that Kaoru was at least alive. On the outside anyway, but really she was nothing but a shell of Kaoru. It was like her body was working on its own accord, her mind and her heart shutting down and in the process..shutting out the world.

"I understand your feelings, but Kaoru, brooding forever won't solve anything." Tae began, concern shining in her eyes. "Cheer up. Oh, I know! I'll give these to you." She offers up two nishiki-e. "Mr. Tsunan's Ibahachi. And the real Nakajina Nobori's Hijikata Toshizou, my treasure.."

"No thanks..." Kaoru whispered dejectedly.

Tae bristled, 'No thanks. My treasures, no thanks..'

Just outside the dojo gates..

"Yahiko!" An eyebrow raised in confusion, Megumi pausing before she addressed the youth. "Yahiko! Didn't you go to Kyoto? Or did they leave you home alone?"

Yahiko's face contorted..didn't Megumi know? "What are you talking about? Kaoru's still at the dojo."

Megumi's mouth formed a small 'o'. "What.."

Tae sat back on her heels, placing a tray of food next to Kaoru. "I know it's not very good, but it's not good for you not to eat."

Kaoru's face remained stagnant. "No thanks.."

Tae let out a little huff, not in hurt..but in worry. "How can you say that? Tsubame worked hard to make that for you."

Kaoru remained firm, "I said..no thanks."

Tae's patience was waning. "Kaoru-"

"You don't have to look out for me!" Kaoru pressed her lips into a thin line. "Please just leave me alone!"

Megumi narrowed her eyes a fraction from the doorway. "I'm disgusted. You're still here."

Kaoru sniffed indifferently, "What do _**you**_ want."

Megumi waved it off easily, "Isn't it obvious? I came to laugh at the tanuki-girl Ken-san rejected."

Tae looks shocked, "Miss Takani!"

Megumi ignored that, holding up a jar in her hand. "This is medicine, a family treasure. Ken-san told me before how well it worked. Now, it's something he needs, but I guess I can't ask you to give it to him." Her shoulders lifted in a nonchalant shrug. "I'll have to ask Yahiko."

Kaoru remained passive, "Shouldn't you take it yourself, without relying on others? All the way to Kyoto.."

Megumi's eyes darkened just slightly. "Unfortunately, I don't have a lot of free time, like you. I have patients to take care of. I can't go off on a journey."

Kaoru replied easily, "Your patients over Kenshin? In other words, he's not that important to you..."

Tae bit her lower lip, "Kaoru, that's going a little far-"

Megumi raised a hand, moving to slap Kaoru, but the Kendo Instructor blocked instictively. "You mock an adjutant master-"

**xxx**

Megumi raised her other hand, stopping mere inches from Kaoru's cheek.

"You're the one trying to mock me." She uses the hand that was about to strike, to place two fingers under Kaoru's chin; forcing the younger woman to look at her. "I became a doctor so I could save lives and atone for my sins. All right? This is _**my**_ life's path. And there is no one who could have shown me how to live that path but Ken-san. So even if he's not here, I'll keep on atoning as a doctor. This atonement is how I feel towards him. So I don't need some cowering girl to tell me he's not important to me." She paused, the doctor shaking her head when it appeared that Kaoru's tears would begin again. "Oh, so now you're going to cry? You really **_are_** weak.."

"Megumi.." Kaoru began as the doctor turned to leave. "You don't understand, Megumi. How it felt for him to say goodbye to me, face to face.. you don't understand at all!"

Megumi pursed her lips. "That's true. But we're even. You don't understand how it felt for him **not** to say goodbye to me at all. Before you start going to extremes, consider your **own** feelings once more."

Kaoru looked on as Megumi entered the courtyard. The doctor's words hadn't fallen on deaf ears, but all Kaoru could think about right now was how alone she felt. The pain it brought, and the emptiness in her life.

'Megumi..She really wanted to go to Kyoto '

Yahiko entered the dojo in a flurry, shaking Kaoru from her thoughts. "What're you sitting around for. Get ready! We're going to Kyoto!"

Kaoru blinked, "But-"

Yahiko shook his head defiantly, "You're the **only** one Kenshin said goodbye to. Don't you get it? It was hardest for him to part with you! So listen up! No matter what anyone else says, you're the one who's got the best chance of making him come back! Megumi said she'd look after the dojo. In return, you're taking this to Kenshin." He holds up the medicine jar from Megumi. "Answer me, Kaoru! Don't you want to see him?"

Kaoru,"I-"

Tae sent a look to the Kendo Instructor, hoping Yahiko's words would sink in. "Kaoru!"

Tsubame chimed in, "Miss Kaoru!"

Kaoru hesitated, _I want to see him_. Her voice caught in her throat, a choked sob escaping. "I guess I really do want to see Kenshin.."

Yahiko grinned, "So it's settled then?"

Kaoru nodded, her mind still numb. _We'll go to Kyoto. To Kyoto, where Kenshin is _

**x**

Later that night, Megumi returned to the dojo. She had, after all, agreed to look after the dojo in spite of Kaoru's negligent attitude towards her. _So in the end I'm the only one left behind. And on top of that, I have to look after the dojo. What am I doing-_ She placed a hand on the door, and to her surprise..said door was unlocked. _It's open. Then why did they leave me the key.. Did they come back to get something? Or maybe.. Ken-san came back!_ Megumi threw the doors open, her hear renewed with hope at that thought that Kenshin might be on the other side of those doors. But, when she entered..it was not the short stature of the red-haired wanderer that greeted her.

Aoshi Shinomori, turned his head; sparing a glance to the doctor. "Where has Battousai disappeared to?"

**TBC**

* * *

Author babble: I know this chapter was very choppy, and I know I could've had the flow better with it. But, I wanted to at least get this out of the way. I'm working out the general plot so..once that's all squared away, the rest of this piece should flow smoothly. Also, this chapter is probably going to be the shortest, again I have to get my plot squared away, and then the chapters will legthen. Please, do feel free to leave some constructive criticism. 


End file.
